i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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