He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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