btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
