I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
