Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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