I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
