I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
