I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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