I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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