Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
