I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize