The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
