Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
