Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
