Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
