He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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