I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
