babies were throwing up all over the place
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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