he thought i was a dude.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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