We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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