Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
