I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
