I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
