So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
