A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
