Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
