Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
