I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
