I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
