You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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