I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
