You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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