I feel great
I just peed on a car
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
