ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize