you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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