You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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