Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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