It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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