It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
