3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
