Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
