i think my mom watched the whole time
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize