Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
