he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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