Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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