Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
