We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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