I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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