I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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