the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
