So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
