That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
