He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You took a bar mat shot.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
