he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
