There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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