So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
