she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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