He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
