just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
