i was born a porn star she said
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
