Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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