i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
