I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't turn off my feet"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
