Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize