ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
