Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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