She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
