No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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