Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
