Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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