I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
