your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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