and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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