idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
