So drunk, too bad you don't want this
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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