I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
