i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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