I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
