Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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